magazine rack

every year around this time, all the fantasy baseball magazines come out, and brian has to buy them all. every single one. most of them live in the magazine basket in the downstairs bathroom, but one or two or four inevitably migrate upstairs into the water closet in our master bath. generally they live on the floor until the following year (because you can't discard them once the season is over, because... um... well, i'm not really sure why) although sometimes they manage to hop up onto the back of the toilet and compete for space with the reed diffuser, which generally loses and finds its way up onto the windowsill.

i hate this migration. with a passion. it is so messy and cluttery and annoying and everything is always in my way. besides, i'm not really sure what we need with FOURTEEN baseball magazines, but he would probably same the same thing about my closetful of fabric. which everyone knows is a necessity because what if the power went out during a snowstorm, HOW WOULD WE STAY WARM.

but i digress. here is the point of all this ranting and rambling:


yes folks, i built that! this weekend! i had been looking for months for a small, wall-mounted, wooden magazine rack, but everything i found was either too office-y or in the ballpark of $39 and up. for a magazine rack. to hold magazines. glossy, bound, pieces of paper with pictures and writing that only cost $4.95.

this cost me $4. four dollars.

let me repeat that: FOUR DOLLARS. AMERICAN.

i built it out of primed mdf trim that i picked up at home depot, and a dowel that i cut to size. the trim is sold by the linear foot for something like 69c/lf. i don't know, that might be expensive when it comes to baseboards for an entire house, but since i only needed 3-4 feet, it was great for me. i slipped a piece of quarter-round into the bottom so the magazines wouldn't slide out the front, and the dowel pieces are slipped into little holes i drilled into the sides. a little glue and some tiny nails from my staple/nail gun, and some spackle to fill in the cracks, and i was ready to paint it. i would have preferred wood stained to match our cabinetry, but i don't have the tools or skills to make anything pretty enough to be stained. the paint is touch-up paint for our trim, so it goes with the house perfectly.

i am so ridiculously proud of this. i want to sit in my bathroom forever just to look at it.

this is my parents' legacy to me, and hopefully to hannah also: if you can't find what you want, then just build it, sew it, scrap it, knit it, craft it, cook it, bake it, make it.

gobble gobble

i am thankful for so much more than just three things this year, but right off the top of my head i can think that i am thankful for:

1. my family, especially my fabulous husband who works so hard to provide for us (especially now that i am a sahm), and especially my beautiful daughter, even after she was up twice last night and took two hours to go back to sleep the second time. i am also thankful for my extended family whom i do not get to see as often as i would like, especially my grandfather who has lymphoma but is still here to celebrate another holiday with us.

2. our home, our beautiful home. i am acutely aware of money now that i am unemployed, and cringe a little inwardly every time i see the mortgage statement come in the mail, even though i know that brian manages our money responsibly and well and that we are not in danger of losing our home. i love this house and everything about it and i love making it a home for my family.

3. not having to cook thanksgiving dinner this year! i am so very uninspired this year and i think the kiddo is partly to blame for that and was not looking forward to the idea of cooking a big meal. brian has to work today (unfortunately) so that he can be off for christmas, so our thanksgiving dinner guests will consist of: me, him, and hannah. hannah has a little jar of baby turkey to try for the first time and brian is bringing home a plate of turkey dinner from his chef for each of us, so we can at least have a little celebration together. so no cooking and we don't even have to spend the grocery money either. win win.

have a happy and safe thanksgiving! what are you thankful for this year?

thankful thursday

it's not that i'm no longer thankful, it's just that i have a baby and sometimes forget to blog about what i am thankful for. i have a lot that i am grateful for, much more than can fit here. this week i am thankful for:

1. my husband, who is AWESOME and won his competition at work, which is AWESOME, and i am so proud of him. he works very hard not only to be a good provider for our family, but also to do his job well and help his company thrive. he's amazing and i love him.

2. my sister, who came to visit me this afternoon and spend time with The Kiddo, who was a bit fussy. i always wish we lived closer. thanks for letting her borrow you car, andy, i do appreciate it!!

3. soap and soap orders! i am so ridiculously excited about this. and good heavens they all look so much prettier than i ever expected. i made lime & clary sage soap yesterday and holiday spice today (pictures soon) and i just love them, and my house smells heavenly from the holiday spice scent as well - apples and a bit of nutmeg. YUM.

success!

brian got a promotion!

so proud of you, honey!

happy birthday

to the wonderful man i am lucky enough to call my husband, whom my daughter is lucky enough to call her father. i love you, sweetie.

baby thankfulness

this week i am thankful for:

1. my beautiful, healthy kiddo. i can't say how happy she is because those rare baby smiles, i guess they're just gas for the next couple weeks. other than that... we're so in love with her. her skin is so soft, i just want to touch her and kiss her everywhere. i could rub her little belly forever. and that skin is so loose, kind of like old man skin, that she has like 12 chins and i love them all. she makes the funniest faces and the silliest sounds, little sighs in her sleep and baby farts and burps and grunts and these chirpy little squeaks. it's like we birthed a menagerie instead of a human child. she doesn't know what to do with herself when she gets the hiccups. she had them last night when she spit up for the first time. i put her on my shoulder and rubbed her back, and she turned her head and stared at me wide-eyed with her mouth hanging open, and i just about died of happiness.

2. my husband, who continues to prove that he is the world's greatest man alive. we all know that i could not have made it through labor without him. i also could not have made it through this past week without him either. he is the one who has been folding me into his arms at 3a when i break down crying because i can't get the baby to sleep. he is the one who cuddles the baby for 2 hours after i feed her so i can rest. he is the one who pushed me in the wheelchair to hannah's 2-day doctor appointment, because my belly hurt so bad that i could not walk from here to kingdom come to find where in the world pediatrics might be hiding. he is my rock, my shelter, my safe place, and i love him so much.

3. mil, who came and took care of both of us this week. my mother very suddenly and abruptly left to go home the night before i got out of the hospital. we had been counting on her help, and then suddenly she is telling me this. i sat in my hospital bed and sobbed and felt so helpless. brian said, my mother will help us. and she did. even though she doesn't cook and isn't very domestic, she did laundry for us, made lunches and dinners for us, left us a huge bowl of fruit salad when she went home (which has since been devoured). she was a third pair of hands at all of hannah's myriad (okay, only three, but it felt like a billion) appointments because she was losing too much weight, and we needed those extra hands. it's not that i doubted her desire or ability to help. i'm not sure what it was with me. but she sure stepped up and for that i am grateful.

hannah's birth story

hannah is probably the absolute most beautiful thing i have ever seen. aside from a bit of conehead that is going away, i think i am not biased when i say that. she is just a pretty girl in her mama's eyes.


monday was obviously a very rough day. (as the doctor pointed out, i now know what a "10" is on the 0-10 pain scale!) i had my first contraction at 4a and by 6a they were about 10 minutes apart. i got in the shower around 745a and my water broke at 830a, conveniently just as i had turned off the water but was still in the shower. so we went to the hospital; brian was very anxious that we were not going soon enough. it's a 20-minute drive and i remember brian was more stressed than i was at that point; i had to remind him where to get off the freeway and where to turn. by about 930a when we got there the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart, 45-60 seconds long, and i was dilated to 4 centimeters. btw that 2-3 minutes apart is NOT from the end of one to the start of the next, oh no. that would be too much rest. the way you time a contraction is from the start of one to the start of the next. (i did not know this until our childbirth class.) so really only like 1-2 minutes rest. and you would not believe the words and noises that come out of your body during a contraction. they had told us the (private, thank heaven) birthing rooms were soundproof but according to mil, she could hear me screaming and swearing and moaning through each contraction.


in the incubator at the nursery with daddy (and mil behind him), waiting for mommy to come out of recovery

i transitioned around noon. i had previously wondered how women in labor magically knew when they were at 7+ centimeters and in transition. now i know. in my case it was because i got the shakes. this was either never mentioned in any of the pregnancy/labor/childbirth classes or books that i took/read or else it somehow slipped by me every single time. (i remember the part about shivering/shaking afterwards, because your body goes into shock somewhat - but not during.) my entire body started trembling violently and i had no idea what was happening. i asked the nurse if i was okay and she said oh yes, you have the adrenaline shakes. that means you're in transition. you're perfectly normal. huh.

by about 230p i was 10 centimeters dilated and ready to start pushing. they gave me fentanyl also at about 9 centimeters, an iv drug to take the edge off. i wanted to try to do the whole thing 100% natural but it just did not happen. the contractions still hurt like a mother after the fentanyl but were no longer pass-out pain is all. brian was such an awesome coach, i could not have done it without him. i pushed for about 2+ hrs and she was just not coming. "failure to progress" is what they called it. so they put a vacuum cup on her head to try to help. hence the conehead, and she also has some scabby scratches on the top of her head from the vacuum cup. they also had to catheterize me just before because i had not peed all day and a full bladder can hinder the vacuum apparently. that was about the worst thing ever, it hurt so bad. brian kept me focused on him but he said the look on my face broke his heart. he also said he could tell how much it hurt and that he did not realize until then how tough i was. (i generally have a relatively low pain tolerance.) apparently he has much more appreciation and respect for me now! i was begging the doctor not to catheterize me but they had to. then they also gave me two shots, one on either side, for the pudendal block. the doctor said to ease the pain as she came out on the vacuum, i guess it hurts more. i do remember at one point the vacuum popped off her head. i remember the doctor pulling hard as i was pushing too but nothing happened. she and i just failed to progress.


apparently life on the outside isn't all it's cracked up to be

i think i pushed about 30-45 minutes with the vacuum but she was just not coming so the doctor said they needed to get me in for an emergency cesarean. i was tired and the baby was tired and nothing was happening. her heart rate was dropping during contractions, not dangerously so thank the Lord, but her oxygen levels were dropping also and the doctor was concerned. i asked brian afterwards if he could even see anything when i was pushing (like the top of her head) and he said no. i was actually kind of relieved about the cesarean because i just wanted the whole thing done with at that point. so they wheeled me away to do a spinal block (faster than an epidural) while brian got suited up.


they poked my back for about 15 minutes but it was not taking, i was not getting any pain relief. i counted at least seven poke bruises on my spine yesterday. in the meantime i was having contractions and curled on my side, as much as i could be with a baby between my legs and the doctor is saying hold still so i can do this. what?! a man of course. (i also had to sign a consent form in the same position on the or table, while being poked and having a contraction. why can't you consent to things ahead of time?) they also tried to put in an epidural but it did not take either. after about 20 minutes i said, PLEASE can you just do general (which they don't like as much because it is more risk to the baby). but they did. they had to catheterize me again for the cesarean, but it was a different kind of catheter so did not hurt as bad as before THANK THE LORD. i said, can you PLEASE catheterize me after you put me under, and they said, i'm sorry but no, as soon as you are under we have to get the baby out.


they had to strap my legs down, i guess so i wouldn't go flopping everywhere in the middle of a contraction while i was under anesthesia. that was VERY scary, especially when i had a contraction before the anesthesia kicked in. no one told me they strap your legs down. none of the books mention this. they don't talk about it in the childbirth classes. the worst part was, brian could not be there with me under general anesthesia, so i was alone with all those nurses and doctors the whole time i was in the operating room, and all i wanted was him.


she has this crinkly lower lip just like her daddy's, and sometimes likes to squinch it sideways when she sleeps

they also had to intubate me with the general anesthesia so my voice is scratchy and my throat hurts even four days later. brian calls it sexy voice, even though the last thing i feel these days is sexy. i think they put me under about 545p (i know they wheeled me into the or about 5p) and hannah was born at 6p on the dot. 8 pounds 0 ounces, and 20 inches long. brian saw her pretty much as soon as she got out, they cut her cord and then took her away to get a bath and such while they stitched me up. she is all red and wailing in those first pictures he took. he said she just wanted her mom and to feed. i started coming around about 7p and i think they brought her to me around 730p and she just went to town breastfeeding. i remember the first thing i asked was if she was okay, and the nurses told me she was fine, healthy and beautiful. i remember the next thing i asked was if she was still a girl; the ultrasound tech had been almost 100% positive on her sex but that almost had bothered us ever since. we had all these girl things, and a pink and purple nursery, a girl name (we could not agree on a boy name), and we couldn't agree on whether to circumsize or not. what if she was a boy?


so that is where we are right now, we got home yesterday afternoon after three days (including labor) in the hospital. i have not slept much of course and my abdomen hurts of course, to be expected when they cut it open to remove an 8 pound baby, but still. she has her days and nights reversed right now so sleeps too much during the day and feeds too much at night. i guess most babies are like that at first. she also has so far lost too much weight, 14 ounces in 4 days which is definitely more than the maximum 7% body weight loss that they prefer to see, so we have to supplement with formula for the next few days until my milk comes in and she is getting enough nutrition from me. otherwise she would have to be admitted and apart from us. fortunately that is the only thing "wrong" with her. her bilirubin levels are great, no jaundice, and all her scores and vitals have otherwise been fabulous.


all strapped in and ready to go home, swimming in her sleeper

we are so in love with her. i never thought i could be so happy about being "replaced" in my husband's heart, but i am just over the moon that brian is so starry-eyed over her. i never thought i could so love this little person who is making such demands on my time, energy, and body. and i never realized how much i could trust and appreciate the man who got me through this whole thing - pregnancy, labor, delivery, who is taking such good care of me right now as i'm recovering not only from a (mostly) regular birth but also from major abdominal surgery. i never thought i could love brian more than i did before this experience. he saw me go through things, say and do things that a husband should not have to see and hear and experience from his wife, and i should be ashamed and embarrassed, and i'm not. he's my husband and he loves me. i can't imagine having done this whole thing with anyone else, and i wouldn't want to.

cross-posted at baby stenz

no baby yet

this week i am thankful for:

1. my husband being home on leave also. it's really nice to have him around, even if he does play mah jongg compulsively and check baseball stats and his fantasy teams obssessively. at the moment we aren't driving each other nuts so it's nice to get to spend this time together, even if it isn't really a vacation because we're sitting around waiting for kiddo to make her appearance.

2. not having a baby just yet, because it is giving me time to get projects done that i have not previously had time to do. if they don't get done, they don't get done, but it's still nice. for example, brian's birthday gift is all squared away, because i'm afraid that if i didn't get it done now, he'd get the short end of the stick this year. his birthday is not until june, but i wanted to do something special for him since everything has kind of been revolving around me for the last nine months. i also finished a friend's wedding gift, which i am SO excited about and love SO much and want to post photos of SO badly, but i can't/won't until the end of june so as not to ruin the surprise.

3. beautiful, perfect weather lately. maybe not perfect, it's been a bit breezy for my taste, but otherwise it's been SO lovely. the breeze does keep it from being too hot which i and my crazy hormonal metabolism do appreciate. i would go nuts if it were dreary and overcast or (heaven forbid!) rainy and i were cooped up in the house all day, so this is really nice.

vanilla crème with fresh berry jam

don't forget to enter my green birthday giveaway! you have until 8pm pdt on wednesday, april 29, 2009. it's awesome, and who doesn't like free?

this week i am thankful for:

1. my husband, who is not only completely awesome but also totally random. he makes my life happy.

2. a break from the heat we've been having.

3. this awesome deliciousness:


what are those beautiful things, you ask? only A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN especially on a hot day. it's vanilla crème with fresh berry jam, so insanely easy to make and so fabulous. i know, i'm such a foodie. did i mention how good it is?

i had leftover rhubarb and strawberries (how do i always end up overbuying produce?) so i made a compote, fully intending to freeze it for spooning on ice cream later in the summer. instead it got spooned over the crème. to make the compote i just mixed about 4 cups of chopped rhubarb and strawberries (total) with about ½ cup of sugar and let it stand about 15 minutes, until the juices started to run out of the rhubarb. i brought it to a boil and simmered it on the stove for about 10-15 minutes, then let it cool and chilled it in the fridge. yum.

this dessert (or lunch, or dinner, or midnight snack, or, or, or) is delicious with any kind of berries. last summer i made it with mixed berries. SO GOOD. why do i not make this more often? brian is not hugely into fruit desserts so i get to eat all of these. HECK YEAH BABY.

black panther style

6 years ago this month, brian asked me to marry him. 6 years! wow. obviously i said yes. it was a really beautiful proposal and looking back on it now, it would not be complete without a bit of signature brian weirdness.

we were both living in san francisco at the time and i was just finishing school - 8 weeks left until graduation. we had decided we wanted to wait to get married until i got my degree, and since i was so close i guess he decided the time was right. "we" had picked out a ring - "we" because i was somewhat concerned about what brian would choose for me. seeing as how i would be wearing that particular piece of jewelry for the rest of my life, i felt somewhat justified in my concern. besides, brian really likes yellow gold and i pretty much do not, and if he had his way i would be wearing yellow gold instead of the beautiful white gold ring i have. in my defense, i absolutely adore my engagement and wedding rings just as much now as when he gave them to me. i also did not want to ever see a ring that i might have chosen for myself and think "if only..." and i can honestly say i have never seen another ring set that is more beautiful than mine, if i do say so myself.


we went out to dinner kind of on the spur of the moment. it was a thursday night. apparently he had gotten the rings (the engagement ring he chose came as a set with the band) the previous weekend and was going to propose later in the month but just couldn't wait. we had dinner on pier 39 and then walked down fisherman's wharf to the acquatic park. it was a crisp night, a bit cool (but when in san francisco is it not cool?) and we did get sprinkled on once or twice, but i was out with my boyfriend and i had a couple martinis at dinner, what did i care? then we were on top of a "lookout" at the acquatic park and the lights were beautiful and i was saying something lame, and i turned around and he was opening a box with a sparkly ring in it. he didn't even have time to get down on one knee, just stumbled out will you marry me? before i threw my arms around his neck and kissed him and said YES!!

and here is the brian craziness: there were two rings in the box, both the engagement ring and the wedding band. he proposed to me with both rings because he didn't know what to do with the band if he left it out of the box. i took the engagement ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger; it was a tiny bit big and would need to be sized down a little more than half a size, but it was gorgeous. i couldn't believe it.

brian apparently also could not believe it, because he told me in no uncertain terms before we walked back to the truck to take the ring off and put it back in the box, and he would put the box in his jacket for safekeeping until we could get the ring sized. EXCUSE ME? you just asked me to be your wife and gave me a ring and now YOU ARE TAKING IT AWAY?? I DON'T THINK SO. i am the happiest girl on earth right now and i am going to WEAR MY RING. he finally conceded on the condition that i keep my hand clenched in a fist so it would not fall off my finger. and i also had to keep my fist raised so the diamond would not fall out of the setting. it was cold so i could humor him with the fist (and after all, how could he tell under my jacket sleeves) but i drew the line at walking around with my fist raised high in the air.

i thought of this all today because we have been having unseasonable heat this past weekend and it isn't supposed to break until the weekend, and though my hands really are not swollen (not like my feet) i can't get my wedding rings on anymore. i put them on a chain around my neck, much to brian's horror. the chain is not thick enough for his comfort nor made of unbreakable titanium and i was going to lose my wedding rings if i wore them like that and if i lost them by God he is going to divorce me, I SWEAR TO YOU WOMAN I AM NOT KIDDING I WILL LEAVE YOU IF YOU LOSE MY RINGS. this morning at the doctor's office, i kid you not, he checked the ring around my neck to be sure the diamond had not fallen out.

because if he could somehow make it so, i would be walking around with a raised clenched fist, just in case.

wherein we work our butts off but have a lot to show for it

i must be seriously nesting because i've been quite productive lately. for starters, we got knobs for the dresser, YAY FINALLY OMG IT'S ABOUT TIME. brian drove me up a wall with these stupid knobs as he hated every single option i presented him with. in the end we decided to get plain wooden ones and paint them ourselves:


i love them so much. i love them even more on the dresser, which we hauled upstairs into her room. thank heavens it was very light with the drawers removed because we are quite a pair right now, me pregnant and brian with his bad back (he re-injured it last week).


it's the hemnes dresser from ikea, only custom-made shorter for us. the ikea one would be fine for brian but is too tall for me to use as a changing table. these are the things you have to think about when your husband is twelve inches taller than you are.

i also made a delicious easy dinner and dessert sunday evening. i try to make something a little special at least once on the weekend because i have the extra time. i am always trying to come up with something interesting to do with chicken breasts as they are usually pretty inexpensive, easy to freeze for later, and easy to bake on a weeknight. this weekend i found an easy baked chicken recipe, and it was quite delicious with roasted potato wedges:


there really is a chicken breast under all those onions, i promise.

baked chicken with onions, garlic, and rosemary

chicken breasts or parts
salt and pepper to taste
1½ onions per breast half (or equivalent weight in parts), sliced into rings
6 cloves garlic per breast half, thinly sliced
olive oil
2 tsp. fresh minced rosemary or 2 T. crumbled dried rosemary per breast half

preheat oven to 400°. rinse chicken and pat dry; season liberally with salt and pepper. toss together onions, garlic, and rosemary with a few drizzles of olive oil. spread half the onions across the bottom of a shallow baking pan large enough to fit all the chicken pieces in one layer. arrange chicken pieces on top of the onions and then cover chicken with the remaining onions. bake 45-55 minutes or until chicken tests done.

roasted potato wedges

red potatoes
olive oil
kosher salt
pepper
chopped fresh garlic
ground cumin

preheat oven to 400°. scrub potatoes and slice into wedges. toss together with olive oil and spices to taste. arrange on a baking sheet and bake 20 minutes or until golden brown.

and then we had strawberry-rhubarb pie for dessert. !!! i love springtime and i love rhubarb and i love pie, so when i saw rhubarb at the store on friday i HAD to get some.


according to joy of cooking, the juices are supposed to bubble through the lattice like that. i had never made a lattice top before and now i know why: because i am just as lazy of a cook as i am a seamstress. it looks pretty but that was more work than i care to do. i like pie so much because it is easy and delicious, and lattice on top just is not so easy. or maybe i am missing something? i made extra crust dough to freeze, because it is always nice to have homemade pie dough on hand for quiche or when i get the hankering for pie, and pie crust is so easy. and brian actually liked this pie! he is not very big on fruit desserts (if it doesn't have chocolate, what's the point?) so this was huge to me.

basic pie crust (makes 2 crusts)

2½ c. flour
1 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. salt
½ c. (½ stick) frozen shortening
½ c. (1 stick) cold butter
ice water

mix together dry ingredients. cut in shortening and butter with a pastry cutter, two knives, or short pulses in a food processor. continue cutting/pulsing while drizzling in a small amount of ice water, until dough just begins to stick together. gather into a ball, wrap in plastic wrap, and chill at least ½ hour before rolling out.

strawberry-rhubarb filling

2½ c. chopped rhubarb (pink or red stalks only)
2½ c. sliced strawberries
1 c. sugar
¼ c. cornstarch
¼ tsp. salt
2 T. butter

preheat oven to 450°. combine rhubarb, strawberries, sugar, cornstarch, and salt in a large bowl until fruit is well coated; let stand 15 minutes. pour into prepared pie crust and dot with butter; cover and vent. bake 30 minutes, then turn oven down to 350°, place a cookie tray under pie dish, and bake another 25-30 minutes or until top is golden brown and thick juices bubble up through vents.

oh, and i did this all on what was quite possibly the hottest day of the year thus far. what was i thinking? that pie was worth it, but.

hey! check me out!

seriously, check me out! (i am inordinately excited by this, can you tell?) and while you're at it, check out the rest of sweet pea's blog. my favorite part is her super-shopper-ness and recipes. i think that girl could stretch a dollar from here to the moon. if you found me from newlyweds, welcome and thanks for visiting!

like last week, this week has been really busy and i have not found time really to post. besides, what is blogworthy anyway? i am pregnant and this kid is consuming my life and who wants to hear about that? we took some maternity photos this weekend, once we decide which ones we want i will post, because i really like them. i'm nesting like you would not believe. my prenatal yoga class is again tonight. i made a cute little thing that i will post about next week for my first blogiversary, because i want to do a giveaway, so check back with me sometime next week. i'm inordinately excited about that too, i think a giveaway will be fun, and i really like this little thing. i made a really yummy (and easy) leek tart last night that brian loved so maybe tomorrow i'll post the recipe.

in the meantime, this week i am thankful for:

1. t3. "way back" when i started doing t3 i had no idea how much i would enjoy it. and some weeks it is really hard to think of three things from the past week that i am thankful for. seeing others consistently be thankful has encouraged me to not just drop it altogether. i suppose this is my version of a gratitude journal (though at my house i also keep a blessings jar - a large, old vase into which i drop little slips of paper on which i've written down something that i'm thankful for). t3 helps me relax and refocus some when i lay in bed wednesday nights, recounting my week and deciding what i want to be thankful for.

2. my silly, wonderful husband, who made our maternity pictures a lot of fun and helped me relax when we did shots of me wearing only jeans and my bella band over my chest. i explained to him later, i wanted pictures of the belly and i knew i was going to have to "bare it all" (or at least, more than i am used to!) for that to happen. it was just a little unnerving an uncomfortable to come out of the dressing room with my shoulders bare and stomach hanging out for someone to photograph. i felt very naked and exposed, even though i wasn't really, and brian really helped me relax and have fun with it.

3. my fabulous provider husband, who manages our finances and keeps us on track. i understand the concept of a budget, but i just don't get it in practice, which is why i don't manage the money. we sat down last night and had The Chat about how much money we have and how long i am going to be able to stay home after the kiddo is born, and while the conclusions we reached are not what would be ideal (me becoming a sahm), we will be able to manage more than i would have expected. if it were me doing the budgeting, we'd have been up a creek a long time ago, so i am glad that he takes care of our family in this respect.

what are you thankful for today?

how to annoy your husband

1. lose one of the cordless telephone handsets.
2. deny using the phone, thereby negating that it is your fault that it is lost. when it becomes obvious that it is your fault, admit that you can't remember when you last even used the phone, so how could it be your fault?
3. blame it on pregnant brain.
4. call the handset using the intercom feature on the other handset (or your cell phone).
5. allow husband to discover handset on the shelf in the closet next to your shoes.
6. laugh uncontrollably, thereby increasing his frustration. blame it again on pregnant brain and remind him that you cannot remember the last time you used the phone.
7. kiss husband and remind him that he loves you despite your "quirks."

the husband is basically useless and i mean that in the best possible way

this week i am thankful for:

1. the man my husband (usually) is. this was brought into sharp focus for me this week as his recent nagging back pain became unbearable and debilatating. we are not sure if it is a pinched nerve, muscle spasm, recurrence of a bulging disk he had four years ago, or something worse, and the drugs the doctor gave him only do so much. it's really difficult to see my husband in so much pain and so useless in the face of his regular everyday activities, especially when i'm used to him being so strong and capable and masculine. he seems somehow diminished right now, like a little old man. i want my old husband back, the one who carries the heavy grocery bags and doesn't wince every time he gets up from his chair.

2. my mother, who is amazing and generous and exceedingly excited about our baby and helping us out. my mom is the best bargain-hunter i have ever met and her skills have been put to the test with this baby. she found us a graco stroller system for only $75 and a ton of other things. just last night she found us the perfect crib, for only $40. i don't know how she does it, but i do know we would be much poorer without her help.

3. rain, which i am usually not thankful for, but we're in a drought out here right now and really need it. the rain have gotten so far this morning is pretty pitiful and we won't get enough this season to alleviate our water issues, but every little bit helps. also, it means i get to wear my rain boots.

apparently i need to step it up a notch.

brian recently told me he did not want to eat meat anymore for dinner, which leaves me scratching my head a bit to come up with meals. i tend not to be a very creative cook, much like other parts of my life. (see especially: sewing.) i'm a very good copycat and great at putting my own spin on things but atrocious at coming up with them on my own. i'm content that this is my creative lot in life and i make the best of it but it sure does suck when it comes to thinking of what to make for a man who once told me that souplantation was a restaurant full of appetizers and where was the real food?

so i got some scallops and some tilapia at the store the other night and made scallop crostini caprese, a little recipe card that i picked up at the store. super easy. basically bruschetta with a scallop on top. brian's comment (besides that it looked delicious) was that it looked so nice!

the tilapia i just broiled in the oven and served with a lemon-rosemary vinaigrette, basmati rice, and broccoli. also super easy, another supermarket recipe card. we have two huge rosemary bushes in our front yard so i thought i'd get fancy and snipped a sprig of rosemary to garnish his fish and twisted a lemon on the side. he asked what the green stuff was, was he supposed to eat it?

* update: the point was not so much my lack of creativity in cooking but my lack of creativity in presentation. brian was alternately thrilled and confused at how "fancy" things looked on the plate, because though i love to cook i generally do not run a gourmet restaurant at dinnertime and do not do frilly things like drizzle balsamic vinegar or garnish with "weeds" (his term).

lost in the holiday muddle

my t3 seemed to have gotten lost in the muddle of the holidays since christmas and new year's both fell on thursdays. christmas was a blur and new year's was cleanup around the house and the sad taking down of the christmas decorations. so to get myself back on track, this week i am thankful for:

1. my husband. i am often thankful for him and sometimes it feels like a cop-out to use it here. on the other hand i am thankful for him for different reasons at different times. often lately it has been difficult to be thankful for him because my emotions are so haywire, because this pregnancy has really been kicking my butt. fortunately he is my rock, the constant, true thing in my life, even when i am hormonal and awful to him. he has been gone on a business trip this week and while it's nice to have some time to myself without the demands of marriage and living together, i miss him. the time apart reminds me of why i fell in love with him and chose to navigate life with this wonderful man.

2. baby kicks. when we got pregnant i swore to myself that i would not make this a "mommy blog" or go on and on about being pregnant. it feels like it has taken over my life and i didn't want it to take over my blog (at least, not this one). it's impossible to keep the baby out of here completely because of how being pregnant seems to consume everything and as i mentioned it is beating the crap out of me. i cannot wait to be done with being pregnant, and then she kicks or somersaults or something and it is the most wonderful feeling in the world.

3. chocolate truffles. somehow there seems to be a minor proliferation of truffles at my house, which is kind of odd because i'm not a chocoholic or anything. man, are they ever good. one pretty much does it for me so it's not like i'm gobbling them down by the dozen or anything. and wow, how is it that a little thing like a bite of a chocolate truffle can just turn your day around? yummm.

how to get into bed without waking your wife: a primer

i am more of a morning person than my husband, so i generally go to bed much earlier than he does. it's okay, because even if i stay up, i'm not much good after about 10 pm anyways. i'm a pretty sound sleeper so brian doesn't usually wake me when he comes to bed, but there was a period of time a couple years ago when i was not sleeping so well and he would wake me every single night.

the "problem" is that brian sleeps with a ton of pillows including a very large, long, fluffy one called a body pillow. when he came to bed there would be much arranging and shuffling and wiggling and organizing of the pillows, thereby waking me. one evening a couple years ago he decided he had a great solution and would get into bed without waking me. he arranged all his pillows ahead of time, so he just had to get into bed and go to sleep.

so he comes to bed at 1130 pm or something, i'm fast asleep, it's completely dark, and he decides that crawling over the pillows will also wake me, and besides, he has a better idea. WAY better. he is going to stand sideways on his side of the bed and fling his body through the air over the pillows, much like an olympic high jumper, thus landing quietly in bed on the other side of the pillows and not waking me up. what a kind and thoughtful husband he is!

except he is not an olympic high jumper. he is not even a wannabe high jumper. he has had no high jump training at all. in the dark, he misjudged where he was and how to jump and whacked his head on the headboard and YELLED (of course). not to mention the loud and disturbing THWOMP when his body hit the mattress. and he had a sore head and a splitting headache and all i could do was laugh at his misery.

the danger of drinking and walking at the same time

when he got in to louisville, kentucky, last night (business trip), brian immediately went out to t.g.i. friday's for something to eat. he hadn't eaten all day because he had been travelling, and apparently he hadn't drank anything either, because four beers made him pretty tipsy.

so tipsy, in fact, that he couldn't find his way back to his hotel. at 11pm. in 31° weather.

and called his wife to find out how to get back to his hotel. because, you know, i know louisville like the back of my hand.

brian recaptures his youth

yesterday we drove to roseville so brian could introduce me to sonic burger, a drive-in he "discovered" while in college in texas and oklahoma. what he really wanted to introduce me to was whataburger and rib crib, but neither of those are in california, so he had to settle for sonic.

brian often criticizes california for being insular and self-important, and i don't think he's always wrong in that. though i've lived here my entire life and love it, i know my state has it's fair share of cultural awareness issues. because i've never lived anywhere else, i sometimes am [unjustly] accused by my husband of not understanding what the rest of the country is like. generally this happens when we discuss food and restaurants. brian feels there is no decent fast food in california and "settles" for jack in the box. i adore in-n-out. he says the only reason i like in-n-out is because it's a california thing and i don't know any better fast food like "they" have in the rest of the country.

saturday i was craving in-n-out, so we went to burger king first so brian's mouth would be full while we were in the drive-thru at in-n-out and i wouldn't have to listen to him whine about the bad taste of california people. but apparently he had never actually had a double-double (animal style, oh yummm)? because he wanted a bite of mine to see how it was. and here he was moaning and groaning about it the whole time and he had never tasted such heaven? he said it wasn't too bad, for a basic burger (what was he expecting? confetti and mushrooms?), but i think he secretly loved it and just didn't want to let on. i think he would have eaten the whole thing if i hadn't fussed at him. score one point for me.

yesterday we drove 25 miles to the second-closest sonic burger to our house - the closest was in woodland, 23 miles away. i wanted to go there but he said no, it's easier to go to roseville. whatever. we printed out directions and off we went so i could experience my first drive-in. he couldn't take me to whataburger for their amazing ketchup but at least he could take me for a damn good burger served in my car by a girl on roller skates, just like old times. he could be bitter about california's dearth of fine fast food establishments but by golly at least he got to take his wife to a sonic.

i spotted it first, right next to a gas station. we turned in and lo - the sonic was in the gas station. i kid you not. brian just about shot himself on the spot. we went in and ordered and sat at a small table inside the gas station for lunch. brian moaned and groaned about being bitter and this is what the world is coming to and HIS WIFE JUST LAUGHS, SHE CANNOT STOP LAUGHING AT HIS MISERY, WHY ME GOD. i think i laughed for about five minutes straight, he was so bitter and hysterical.

some days i want to fill up the bathtub and hold his head underwater, because he is such a MAN and doesn't listen and doesn't do things right (read: my way) and isn't like me, and i get so frustrated that marriage is such work - and then we have an afternoon like yesterday, and i am so thankful that he is such a man and not like me.

because, me? i would have looked at the street view on google maps to know what i was looking for and known we were going to a gas station and opted to go to the one in woodland instead, the one he pooh-poohed, because that one is actually a drive-in like it is supposed to be. at least, it looks like it on google maps.

and the burger? not bad, but not nearly as good as in-in-out.

t.g.i.f.

this has been the week from h3ll. why oh why are there weeks like that? why me? why us? we have been slogging on through the messes and all i can think is thank heaven i get to sleep in tomorrow.

monday night the bank deposited my paycheck into the wrong account. we did not discover it until tuesday when i checked online and found my account $330 overdrawn.

wednesday evening we came home from work to find water all over the kitchen floor, apparently from the dishwasher having been run earlier in the day.

brian has had a h3llish week at work, even more stress than usual.

last night, at 10pm, a server/processor banged (not knocked - banged) on our front door to serve us a summons for a bad debt. only, they didn't want to serve us but rather the previous owners, who have not lived in our house since at least early march. these debt collectors have harassed us before and apparently do not understand that these people don't live here anymore. they also don't like to do their homework, as we have advised them numerous times that if they check the county records they will see that the house was sold to us and we have an owner-occupied property tax exemption because we're not renting our house to the previous owners. the repo man has showed up a couple of times to repossess their car, even though we continue to tell them that the people they are looking for are not here and we don't know who they are or where they might be. (obviously, these people were not good at paying their bills, since their house was foreclosed on.) last night the processor actually left the summons on our doorstep because he was apparently "required" to leave it at the house. i want to mail it back to the collection agency it came from but i don't want to pay for it. how do you send something c.o.d.? and why does my husband have to deal with this at 10pm??

(because he is my wonderful hero and tries to protect me, and doesn't want me dealing with strangers at our house at night - not that i blame him!)

i am so thankful that we will be here this weekend. we are spending the weekend away with mil for her birthday, and i think after this week we could really use a change of scenery.