the year of living gently

a couple of years ago i decided to swear off new year’s resolutions, since i’m never disciplined enough to keep them and failing is so discouraging. however, this does not encourage self-improvement. i have been in a better frame of mind for the last six or eight months, so this year i decided rather than resolving to do something and failing at it, i would choose a theme for my life for the year and stick with that. i decided it would be much more difficult to fail at a theme because i would have so many different opportunities to work it into my life. this also fits into the self-improvement thing that new year’s resolutions tend to be (which i am generally not opposed to – self-improvement, that is), which i need, since i am a work in progress and rather imperfect.

so my theme for the year is living gently. (this has been my theme since January 1, even though we are already ¼ of the way through the year.) i would like to be gentler to my husband and the people around me. i am trying to be actively aware of when i am a bitch (especially when i am pms-ing) and relax some. kindness begets kindness, and gentleness is a form of kindness, i feel.

i am trying to be gentler on our finances as well, which means fewer shoes and more cooking at home. paying off bills too, so that we are not beholden to anyone (even if that someone is a bank). I feel like we could live very gently if we did not borrow from anyone. this philosophy initially seems diametrically opposed to the goal of buying a house, but I am not sure how feasible it is to save $350,000+, so I am not counting the mortgage that we will have. is that cheating?

i am also trying to live more gently on the earth. we are recycling more at home (hooray, brian is finally recycling soup and cat food cans!) and trying to be gentler on our driving. we have not gone so far as to get a hybrid (i am not opposed to them in principle but i am in cost) but we do try to carpool whenever possible. i love love love the nylon shopping bags my mother made me a couple years ago (they’re pink!!). i would like to start composting but i am not sure how disciplined i would be about it since we do not have a yard at the moment and therefore nowhere to put the compost.

my final thing is that i am trying to be gentler to myself. i have realized that i am most own worst enemy and my own harshest critic. aren’t most people like this? i am trying to remember that i am beautiful just as i am, even if i do need to lose 20 pounds. after all, my husband thinks i’m sexy. i am pretty darn good at my job. i am a good person, even if i can been a super-bitch when i’m pms-ing. there are people in my life who love me, and God chose me to be His child, even when I do not feel the extent of my own worth. gentle!